I don't remember how it goes this huge or how I came to this point. I'm sitting here, on my way to Kay's graduation and opposite me is a woman I once knew and loved.My well of tears has never ran dry since we became strangers..it's too bad to be true. I guess it all started with an argument, we exchanged some pretty bad words. We made up but we argued again and again and again.
"I don't have to tolerate this behaviour from you, after all I can adopt other children. Do you know How old I am? I gave birth to you, you know and if you think after 9 months of carrying you, you can throw it back in my face...just wait till you have your own children!!!!" she yelled at me with anger and frustration.
And I guess this time I really blew it. I am a good person..I really am, and I don't have a problem with apologising to anyone apart from my parents of course.I just find it extremely strange baring out my feelings before them.Sometimes, I think it's a bit of pride and at other times I just don't know; I'm weird like that.
We tend to mis-understand each other a lot, even though we've become the best of friends. I realise that unconsciously, I do hit her where it hurts but it's not intentional.And that's when the fight happens usually because she thinks I did it on purpose.
And I know I try to forgive her.I really pray about it but I keep remembering the words she said to me that tore me to pieces.
........and I just couldn't take it anymore, the last argument was the final straw.I did apologise after but she wouldn't accept it. She began treating me like an outsider; an alien. I didn't know what to do or say to restore the jovial relationship.We avoided each other and I was only happy when I was not at home....we drifted.....we were isolated...and we became two randomers.....
It has been ridiculously hard without her, not only is she my mother..she is my friend! and I really miss the support her friendship provided.This widening gap is like a hole in my heart....
As the bus jolts to a stop, I am relieved of my thoughts and once more I embrace reality. I cannot undo the past but I can use my lesson to better the future.
This is Fiction and the characters are totally made up!
© The poets voice~~~ June 2009, All rights reserved.