hmmm....I'll call you friend

Ever wondered why you meet some people in this life? Why some people happen to come into your life at certain times?

Or…

Why people leave and you think ‘why did I meet them in a first place’?..
Who really belongs in your life?

A lot of the time, we as humans are trying to fill that longing of having someone we can laugh and spend time with. Rather than finding a true friend, we gather lots of acquaintances and call them “FRIENDS”

So what/who exactly is a friend? What is their role? …and what do we expect from them?
A true friend is:

•Caring and available – the gift of your time and genuine concern is invaluable
•Encouraging – by affirming and supporting your friends, you build their self esteem.
•Willing to sacrifice – you’re willing to walk the extra mile and can be depended upon
•Patient – always remember that no one is perfect and be able to endure in times of hardship
•A good listener- listening is the language of love
•Loyal – no matter the cost, you are loyal
•Truthful – means telling it the way it is even if it’s going to hurt sometimes.

- From Surviving Adolescence by Jim Burns


"Don't underestimate the influence of your friends, it's a fact that you become like them" - Jim Burns


Ever thought about how your best or closest friend came to be that? Sometimes, it's not that you start off being friends, u could be people who totally didn’t like each other and somewhere along the line...you just happened to be inseparable.

It’s funny how these things happen.

The thing that really baffles me though is the person who seems to be a very good candidate for a friend but somewhere, somehow things hit the rocks and the friendships ends just as quickly as it started. In these situations, I ask ‘what went wrong?’

Is it that it was never meant to be in the first place or the two people involved were just complete opposites of each other? Or maybe one person was doing all the giving and the other was not making any effort.

In the case of the latter, we learn a very important thing about friendship – it’s all about give and take. It’s about support not Misuse and abuse.

Friends influence us to such a great degree that we can’t afford to underestimate their influence. After a while, you start speaking like your friends, doing the same things they do and so on.

That’s why a healthy friendship is required in life. A friend can tear you down or build you up. You see, earthquakes result from two tectonic plates on a fault line shifting against one another, then lurching in opposite directions. And that's what happens when you bond with the wrong people.

When a relationship is not working, when your efforts to rehabilitate it have failed, acknowledge it. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit that instead of lifting them up, they're dragging you down. Releasing somebody doesn't mean they'll never improve, it just means God is better suited to the job.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over" – Gloria Naylor

Be careful around those who are always trying to make you feel guilty for not 'being there'. Only God can always be there! There's a difference between helping somebody and carrying them. Your help may actually be a hindrance. Why should they even try, if you're always there to do it for them? Your need to be needed could be getting in the way of their need to grow. Sometimes you just need to step back and let them walk on their own. Not everybody will be happy when you do that, but they're not supposed to be.

Every relationship is for a reason, and a season. Discern those who belonged in your past, from those who belong in your life now.

This then brings me to the question: why do we hurt the ones we love or the ones who love us?

Doesn’t it just annoy you sometimes when you’ve been there helping and supporting a friend through rough times and after it all, they do something very hurtful or say something without being sensitive to your feelings?

This is the point where you have to remember that we are all human and we make mistakes. I’ve realised that a lot of the time they don’t mean to hurt you, sometimes they don’t even realise they did. There’s so much familiarity between you that they just think that you’ll understand what they mean and not take it personal.

In any friendship, forgiveness and love are two important things. You should love your friend enough to look past their wrong and then use the opportunity of forgiveness as a fresh start.

Think for a moment about your true friends and why you consider them to be true friends.
Of course if you want true friends, You must become a true friend

© The poets voice~~~ August 2010, All rights reserved.